Thanks, Alanis. Thanks a whole bunch for introducing the masses to the joys of misusing the word "ironic". Good advice that you just didn't take, indeed. I just received the following Instant Message from my Comic-Sans-loving coworker, Fancy*:
Fancy says: i find it quite ironic that Humpty* is getting a two day training session and Blahseph* and i got nothing.
Nice try throwing "quite" in there, Fancy. Adverbs will help you sound like you know what up.
Let's review the definition of the word ironic. According to Webster, irony can be " the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning" or "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result". I think we can all agree that the latter definition implies something of a more poetic or absurd nature than it raining on your wedding day.
The important thing to note is that ironic is not a synonym for unfair. Sorry, that's just the way it is. If you think something sucks, say that it sucks. Do not say that it's ironic. Unless you're being ironic. Then it's totally meta. See what I did there?
You guys. I love Gossip Girl. I love it so hard. And a big part of that is Little J. I never even watched the show until the beginning of Season 2, and I was all "Oh, I don't know, this seems like something I should like, but I watched that one episode with Dawn from Buffy, and I was turned off by all the coke snorting and whining, but on the other hand it had Lisa Loeb so obviously it deserves another chance." And there was this adorable tiny blond girl in adorable clothes with pink tulle (!) that she made herself (!) and yeah she has raccoon eyes and a haircut that says "oooh I'm so freaking edgy!" but you know what, I had those things too at 15. Well, except for the pink tulle, that was something I only aspired to have. And instead of artfully smudged, professionaly applied raccoon eyes, I just had a hideous excess of black eyeliner and possibly glitter.
Anyways, my point is that when I was 15 I totally wanted nothing more than to be Taylor Momsen. And by Taylor Momsen, I mean Jenny Humphrey. But for the sake of this post, lets assume that they are exactly the same. Well, and I'm pissed that the writers made her go back to Constance, becuase LAAAAAME she should be a working teen!
OK, back on track. Sorry, I am just passionate about fictional teenaged clothing designers. The thing is, bloggers that I want to be when I grow up, like the ladies at Go Fug Yourself and Evil Beet are all "Taylor Momsen looks like a lemur and should dress like an old grama blaahhhh". And I love aforementioned blogs, but I gotta disagree. She is pretty and young and rich and famous, and she should wear what makes her feel cool! She will grow out of the haircut eventually, and probably the sneer. But for now, do your thing, Tay Tay. I love it!
OK so I know none of these words mean the same thing. Obvs. But I am grouping them together because I hate them all in the same way. I feel like people calling things "meta", "web 2.0", and as possessing or resulting in "synergy" all sound like douchey poseurs.
The difference, I feel, is in the setting in which the words are used. It's sort of a high-brow to low-brow scale, like with Old Navy, The Gap, and Banana Republic. They are all selling the same shit, but for varying prices and levels of status points. So Web 2.0 I think would be Old Navy, becuase it's all mainstream and mall-ish. It's all about bright colors and accessibility. Synergy is The Gap, with its emphasis on streamlining and minimalism, and trying to make a Clone Army.
Rounding out the METAphor (lolz) is Bana Republic. Saying something is "meta" is a safe and undergrad-sounding way to say you don't understand it, and buying Banana Republic says that you have enough money to buy nice clothes, but you don't actually understand style and would rather someone else think for you. People who call things meta often buy clothes from Banana Republic and then say they are from Value Village. Probably.
Comic Sans is not an acceptable font to use. Ever. It does not come off charmingly offhand. It does not make you seem fun and quirky. It will not make me want to come to your garage sale/wine tasting party/Renaissance Faire. Using Comic Sans makes you seem like you just started using computers and were thrilled when your grandson told you that Microsoft Word offered different fonts, because Times New Roman just doesn't express who you are INSIDE.
Comic Sans users over the age of 8, it is time to broaden your horizons. If you are reading this right now, I want you to go to your Outlook, open up the Options and edit your signature. Unless this signature shows your job title as Old Person or maybe 90's-themed Irony Expert, let's go ahead and change that font. Try a nice Book Antiqua. Maybe a Garamond.
People at my work are always putting their frozen meals in the fridge to thaw out before lunchtime. They say that this is so the meals take less time to cook once they put them in the microwave. I say this is totally gross. The box says keep frozen until ready to eat. I'm pretty sure there must be a reason. Furthermore, the things take like 4 minutes to cook. Holy Crap, impatient much?